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Welcome once again to Deathly Doodles, where Landis Blair doodles and then I talk about it in a deathly manner. Which is why we called it Deathly Doodles. Obviously. Today’s subject is leakage.

The human body — as you probably know from years of urinating, defecating, puking, spitting, bleeding, snot rocketing, etc — is full o’ fluids. Our bodies are designed to keep those fluids in (within reason) until we’re ready to have them come out. But when we die, we no longer have that kind of control. And the fluids are like, “Whatever, I do what I want.”

The Mortician’s greatest nightmare, then, is said leakage. Fluid where it’s not supposed to be, when it’s not supposed to be there. Even woo-woo, natural, non-embalming, no preservation, no suit & tie morticians like me still aren’t interested in presenting the family with a body that’s purging out of its mouth or stinky in strange places.

So Morticians turn to leakage tips ‘n’ tricks. A diaper is a very a popular choice, and not very invasive. On the flip side, an A/V plug, discussed in Ask a Mortician- Corpse Poo, is, you know, pretty invasive. And let me assure you, there are many uses for Saran Wrap and cotton balls.

Of course, it’s uncomfortable to see a corpse leaking. Not only for the poor out-of-control corpse, but also for the mortician (or family) to have to face the possibility of storing the human body like we would food. Or seeing human beings as you would animal meat. True story — it’s a perilously thin line between corpse and carcass.

Send your suggestions for a deathly doodle! Or we’ll have nothing to doodle! Thanks to Jeff Jorgenson for the leakage suggestion.

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