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smoke gets in your eyes

Well, turns out that you’re all grade-A weirdos.  Can’t say I’m surprised.  I’d expect nothing less.

My first book (%^!!&(&#(&$@!) became available for pre-order this Sunday.  Everyone from my childhood best friend to that dude I met in Montana that one time in 2009 shared the link, and it jumped from #327,600 in Amazon books to #280.

Cue the triumphant music swell. “Give me ooooonnneee mooooooment in time…” Thank you everyone!

Now that Amazon has collected the data on who has ordered the book, we can see what else interests those who would choose to purchase a book on crematory-life.

Some crossover is predictable. Mary Roach’s Stiff and Game of Thrones, for instance. Cards Against Humanity (god, I love that game) and Empire of Death also make good sound sense.

Then it just devolves into chaos.

Item 1: JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank


I couldn’t figure out what this thing was. Oh, here we go: “Badonkadonk is a completely unique, extremely rare land vehicle and battle tank.”  Obviously.  It’s $20,000.

Item 2: Ceramic Skull Cookie Jar


Guys,  I think we can do better with our macabre decor. Description: “Fans of skull collectibles will find it a great place to stash stuff, too.”  What does that mean, other than cookies?  Weed? Body parts?

Item 3: Microwave for One


This one hits a little too close to home for me to comment on.

Item 4: Mayim’s Vegan Table


Blossom has a cookbook! A vegan one!  Did I tell you about the time I worked as a funeral director in the Valley? Our office was in this generic building next to an Armenian preschool filled with TV production offices (they edited Intervention next door) and one time I saw Mayim Bialik in the hall. That’s the extent of the story. It’s not a very good story.

Item 5: Human-to-Cat Translator


“Instantly translate your voice into meows and get kitty’s attention. With over 175 quality samples from more than 25 cats…” More than 25 cats!  What an excellent cross section of cats!

Stay weird, deathlings.  And thank you so much for the support thus far.  I hope I won’t let you down.

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