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The constant struggle I face with the Order is how to be an excellent spokesperson for death, and not be (or be written about) like this girl.  Her name is Daniella, she’s a mortician, and she’s currently in a contest to be a spokesperson for the LA Galaxy Soccer team. Which is great.  Go girl.

Not that Daniella isn’t lovely.  She obviously is, and is probably a very competent funeral director and embalmer.

One hates to be a hating on my other female morticians, but the issue is that she’s also being very publicly kitschy about death.  And giving interviews like this.

“Hi, my name is Daniella. I’m a licensed funeral director, licensed embalmer and I love cupcakes.”

“Some of my friends call me Morty. Or Tish. Or Morticia. I do collect Frankenstein stuff. I like Halloween.”

“Could it help me in this competition? Well, some may be put off by it. They could have preconceived notions that we’re old and grumpy and depressed. Or serial killers. Or have weird fetishes. Really?”

“There are a lot of other careers I wouldn’t be caught dead doing.”

Zing!  She wouldn’t be caught DEAD in another career.  Get it?

Now, I get that my ideas and essays are made more interesting by the fact that I’m a young woman hanging out with corpses all day.  I can’t pretend that if I were an old white male mortician in Kentucky I would still get away with as much as I do.

Call me one of those “grumpy” morticians, but if you have a public platform as a young female death industry worker, don’t be cutesy.  You’re young and pretty, that only makes your voice more interesting.  Don’t squander it with some Hot Topic dethgurl BS.

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